I thought I posted the rest of these way back when, but in fact, I did not. Time is fake, Thomas Edison was a witch, you know the drill.

Four out of five.

Today we’re visiting the quirky, wonderful world of Paper Mario! Super Paper Mario, to be specific. A game that was contested when it first came out for deviating from the standard Paper Mario formula, it nonetheless weaved quite the emotionally destroying tale (and I’d guess it looks better in a post-Sticker Star world, but going to freely admit that’s a debate I’m honestly not interested in).

This is a theme for a part of the game that takes place in the underworld, or “Underwhere” as it’s called. Sounds fun, what could possibly go wrong?

A lot, apparently.

The River Twygz is, of course, an area in the Underwhere that Mario must explore in his adventure. And then there’s… the got dam River Twygz Bed. I hate this theme. Oh my god. I hate it so much. I HATE IT SO MUCH. It’s one of the few disturbing video game tracks I’ve listened to that gets a physical reaction out of me. Said physical reaction is one of extreme discomfort and the feeling of wanting to be literally anywhere else.

I admire Mario’s ability to look at this cursed lake of the dead and be like “Yeah that’s fine” and dive in while ghostly hands grab at him and the screams of the damned play.

Screams of the damned is an apt description for this track and I will stand by that.